Yes Im in the boat with other women. Hes buying beer with YOUR hard-earned money and sitting on the damn couch all day? On Friday I am so tired I just fall asleep and all Saturday just try to pull myself together after a other gruelling week at work. finally my mother got me away from him and paid for a new place. It doesnt bother me that hes not working because I know for a fact that he is trying. I had the chance to change career and do something more worthwhile but a combination of the embedding of class system, and fear of exhaustion led me to negativity and believing I was unable to work. I now see that I was very ill and also isolated because I was hundreds of miles from family and all my friends were still in the fast lane. Move out get your own spot then allow him to get it together! He codes, I have seen him and he works all night learning and building his website. "I can't even talk to her about the frustration So that's tough. My [28F] husband [35M] of 11 years is chronically unemployed and won't Physical: Get a massage, exercise, go for a walk, take a hot bath, get regular sleep, dance, play sports, do yoga, paint, draw, sing, arrange flowers, color mandalas, play music, userelaxation techniques, or cook. I am glad I stumbled upon this website. It also remains stubbornly common, despite study after study showing that female breadwinners in hetero relationships still do more housework than their male partners (even when those male partners do not work at all), and that this gap is damaging to marital happiness. One ounce of attitude, kicked to the curb. You enjoy your jobs, he enjoys his. It can be done, and is done by others every single day. Ive wished, prayed, and helped my husband find work, but he simply doesnt want to. When they have a job its temporary as sooner or later they are going to lose it for reasons well within their control. My twist is that Im not in great health. After few months of unemployment, he has been diagnosed as Depression. Why??? They tortured him by removing his nails but he still kept himself smiling. Ive done had enough of pulling the weight by myself. I felt like I was becoming more of a mother for him. As for how this has impacted me: I am growing very resentful and embarrassed at his lack of ambition, we fight all the time, almost daily, and Ive gained weight and stopped taking care of myself. So it appears at least, that the only group who benefited from this..are the MEN. I am 52 years old and tired. Its just draining on me. My husband resents that I dont workI have Epstein Barr. If I wanted money, I wouldve kicked him out 8+ years ago when he left his job. IF she is out of work and is taking on the role of work that women usually do, then SHE IS WORKING! He doesn't do laundry, claims the machine confuses him and folding is tedious and sucks. Despite the myths you might have heard, half of American first marriages don't end in divorce. you see I am a woman of faith and courage and I strongly believe in God. Im to the point where enough is enough either change or leave. :). I dont know what to do with him. My hubby needs a new pair of shoes- his are 4 year old, but they are special shoes due to a foot issue and cost over $150, so those cant be replaced until he finds a job. OMG..I am reading these posts and am just mortified. My heart is breaking because I find myself thinking what if he never ever gets hired or gets a client for web work? You would think their skills and experience in sales, marketing, customer service etc. If I have a day off, thats one days pay we go without. We talk about a lot but our communication is very poor on the issue. I am SO glad I stumbled upon this page today. Unemployment and the Division of Housework in Europe A house, an employed husband, happiness . We dont have any children together but I have three from a 10 year hell. You need to STOP enabling your boyfriend by taking care of him. I have a successful company and already work more than full time, do all the work around the house and still make sure I am fully present and engaged with our daughter. When the baby is born.. My wife worked about 5 years of our over 8 year marriage. They are either dismissed without even an interview or they get an interview followed by a rejection letter indicating that the company has decided to go with someone else, and screw you, youre out in the cold without a job or source of income and we couldnt care less. Being the runner up or coming in third or fourth place as a so called finalist for an open position really doesnt amount to a hill of beans when you have bills to pay and have a family to support. Sometimes too much support can lead to learned helplessness it is very difficult to get out of it as you feel so insecure and needy. How to Get Your Adult Children Living at Home to Work (and Eventually Here are some of the things that are going through your head, and I will acknowledge that some of them may be perfectly legitimate. Is there any way I can address this without coming off as a naggy mom-type? I have explained the he is to take care of the house and he stated he will try better, but there i was on Sunday morning cleaning the house (while he sat in the chair reading) that should have been done while i am at work for over 9hrs a day. To her husband, she was extremely supportive and tactful. From the looks of it even those whove been married are ready to throw in the towel after their partners have been unemployed for a year. My husband was on disability 2 years ago for back issues. Im praying this site will help me find answers. I was so upset and desperate that I didnt have the strength to argue back what I had done for him. Many companies will not even interview them for low level, part time positions or if they are interviewed dont expect any offers to be made as many get interviews just to meet quotas or for the amusement of the interviewer. Thanks for letting me vent and seeing your kindred stories. I cant do anything by cry everyday. If you get your communication right, your partner will respond with empathy and compassion.. These places love serving up heaping helpings of humble pie and doing all that they can to damage the ego of someone with a high and mighty attitude to bring them down a couple of pegs. News flash, he destroyed his own self esteem. You get to have a life. Still, its possible that he is oblivious to (or in denial of) these dynamics, says psychologist Brian Ogolsky, a professor at the University of Illinois who studies how romantic partners maintain healthy long-term relationships. Yes, we are talking about it and we both know we want it, but there is no firm plan. Answer (1 of 51): You can't fix people like this. I am worried that I soon wont be able to pay the internet bill. It is filed under Family. You are not his mother, it is not your job to take care of him. I love him so much, and just cant imagine him not in my life.but I cant watch myself settle. I do not want to separate or divorce, but I am trying to figure out how to discuss this without upsetting him and his ego. I am left to think this whole 15 years was a big fat waste and now shes got me to do all her dirty work. I have always worked and I come home , cook and clean and listen to his complaints .. Physical pain ensued after my father passed away suddenly at the age of 65. I just dont know what to do. If you want your self happy, no matter how harsh the environment, you can. I trusted he would do what he was passionate about but so far I am disappointed and am increasingly unhappy in our marriage. I know I have to be there through the tough times, but my husband makes me feel like a jerk when I tell him Im stressed and unhappy in our marriage. He wont move and I have to evict him with money I dont have to file. He sometimes mentions trying to pass the time during the day, and I just think to myself: DUST SOMETHING. If you admit the reality and the logical consequence you can make the better choice for your life. Still no work and as I age, do not see any hope. I really don't want to be a nag about this, but resentment is beginning to build. If anyone has any advice Id appreciate it, because its coming to a point where just the sight of him makes me angry, and especially the way my mother lets him run over her and all that. He's a proud person. The only thing holding me back is my daughter and his relationship and WTF WOULD HE GO?! Lesson use meditation and mindfulness to value your partner and get back to some employment and love yourself for that small step. I feel like I have an extra child not a husband. If I break up with him and kick him out, he literally has nowhere to go. Like some others have said, just having a rant about this has somewhat helped, and as I said at the beginning just reading about other similar stories certainly helps. Im sorry. Privacy Policy and Thank you for your comment. If they were to jump at that opportunity now, theyd likely have to take time off for a funeral relatively soon and that wouldnt look too good. His unemployment benefits ran out last October, and I am now the sole source of income. How Fashion Designer and Mom to a 2-Year-Old Mary Furtas Gets It Done, Im just much more adult, calmer, and more diplomatic with people. I cook and clean and critiqued for all I do ,, my house is a construction zone with about 10 projects not completed,, theres some hope he may get done training but he doesnt get along well with the other animals .. Its 10 weeks and hell have to play nice , not fight or insult others.. Ive worked thru surgeries and injuries and raised a child ,, Im really done and want to be free if him ,, he says if he completes training and gets work we will split ,, how ironic ,, if he has an income it will be time for him to go ,, of course ! I love her but Im so beyond tired of the same old, same old & nothing ever changing or improving for her. Hes tried for everything from minimum wage to whatever else is available. They just dont see or even appreciate a lot of people doing what they hate, day in and day out, in order to be a responsible person, paying bills and supporting the family. Were lucky, I guess, that he has SOME form of money coming in, but I cant get over the fact that this all happened so quickly. He will go and stay in hotels with her once a week, she pays. Hes definitely depressed I can see it but he keeps it from my daughter as much as possible. If you dont admit the reality you will keep suffering. I tried to get a full-time job, but was turned down because I had been working part-time for too long. For example, physical disability or the recent COVID-19 resulted in many people getting laid off or declared . I want to sleep for about a year. I love him to death, but HOW LONG is too long? To start with I have never really seen him work hard before but hes had reasons. He worked at the time but I changed jobs as realised we needed a lot more money than we were both bringing in. I got big relapses in depression and pain. For 6 years I never complained, but it seems that I am not given that honor! Its very difficult to be the supporting partner when there is not support coming back. And I lost count of how many times someone was scolded for blowing/passing up an incredible opportunity. When in reality that so called opportunity was little more than a scam or wasnt all it was cracked up to be. I dont want to work either. He doesn't cook, clean, laundry vacuum. I feed the cat because he thinks cat food is disgusting (it is, but I am less bothered by it). No, I cant leave. I could have boosted my business with that money and doubled it even more. He has a degree from a nowhere school and spends a lot of time working on hobbies that dont pay him anything (he actually sometimes has to spend money for them), but the hobbies allegedly keep him sane. I go to work as much as i can but i have a medical issue that arrises once a yearvso my hours while this happens isnt full time. I am SO sick of the boring dull house talk all the time. Yes- he is working hard on our action movie but there are other film makers whom also work to make their dreams come true. He hates the majority of my coworkers/friends and talks harshly about them. Do You Trust Your Spouses Ability to Make Good Decisions? you should have a much better future and settle down with a nice man. From my DH points of view, because he got depression, he doesnt need to work to hard, doesnt need to think about the future. The problem is I never agreed to be the only financial provider. I feel like i am drowning. If a woman decide to have baby, useful she will be have a lot of consideration to her baby before doing anything. Sounds like hes a piece of work. I have always handed over every penny I have worked for and he still only pays the bills when he really has too. He was not a nice person, although he could be charming. I have nothing saved and I dont drive (bad accident) so I feel stuck. If I ask him, he won't do . To be honest, it doesnt sound like he has any respect or love for you It really just seems as if, to him, youre simply his supporter and money source. Or doing whatever chores you want done. I seem to convince myself to just hold on, make sure he is working good then tell him to go, but it never happens. His parents blamed our daughter and me. She demands me to pay;my rent! Eventually this person is either fired or ends up being laid off in one instance they ended up quitting because they just cant seem to get along with people. This goes beyond support during hard times, I fear. The latest 2014 stats for the US show what is the reality (and I use the US only because their numbers were easier to find freely). Not to mention it has lowered my self esteem completely to ask him for money when I need it. How am I going to afford a poor little baby? I feel I am being financially abused. It works well for them. Now i question, why is he even here? Im tired, fed up of always having to carry the load and biggest is fed up of feeling not good enough. Im currently living with her, but if it wasnt for my job Id move in with my grandparents. I have been with my fianc for 5 years and we got engaged last December. It is soooo.difficult the bad days I self harm just to get some release. Avoid criticisms and judgments such as, "You never do any housework! This person is very moody and is difficult to get along with when they are in one of their moods I worked with this person in the past and saw first hand the way they spoke to and generally didnt get along with their coworkers. Anonymous. Once we realized we were heading toward losing benefits, with no secure notion of a job on the horizon, we were forced to move from the high rent apartments we had been living in to a different state where the rent was only about 60% of what we were paying. I get weary of no intimacy, no growth, no dates so I pay, I buy, I book travel. What a rant, I know, but I feel so full of disappointment, sh*t or get off the pot. Im in a similar position (except Im the woman bearing the financial burden) and I think its wrong regardless. My husband has not worked since the birth of our second child and that was 8 years ago! I love him but all of this is kind of turning me off. I have tried in many ways to get him to understand and to help him find work but he refuses. Staying in rented apartment. Im sorry if this was rambling, just need to get it off my chest. Now our two boys are 4.5 and 3 year old and in full time daycare. Bad eyesight and poor coordination runs in the family I suppose. 17 What one hates, the other may be able to tolerate. Now all it takes is me walking through the door at the end of a long hard day to the sight of him playing games of the dishes not yet done to set me off like a screaming banshee. I really needed this thread for the validation and comfort. U can not hope to choose way A to reach destination B. Ie. I have nowhere to go. Ive stayed with her even though she cheated for the first few months of our relationship, I put myself in debt to help clear HER debt, had to put my education and goals on hold, so that I can work full time to support both of us. Now he told our 10 year old daughter that I should be working harder when he has been unwilling to look at any job that isnt THE perfect job. I say the heck with them, any terrific women suffering as I and located In my area want to grab a coffee, drop me a line. .feels good to get that out.. unemployed husband won't do housework - circularity.business I know that he is bad for me and I know that he should have been out of my life a long time ago, part of me is worried about him being ok which is stupid, but I cant seem to stop that. He just sits in front of computer all the time. . He drives them to school, picks them up at various times/places, after sports, etc. Only Owens has the power to demolish our notions of dress. The Husband's Job Is the Best Predictor of Divorce -- Science of Us I feel sometimes like Im his only solace. Since the kids came to live with me, their grades have improved dramatically (I insist on a routine, and assist them with homework daily). The other half of the problem is his depression. I gave him money to take the cat to the vet and he used it to gamble. Now When I am working long full time, I still have to doing most of the house work !!! I worked 12 hour days 7 days per week. But when my bf got out of jail he was homeless I wouldnt let him come stay with us. Have a harder shell. I am frustrated with him as well, because if I lose my job, we will be homeless, and he will not have the luxury of avoiding potential covid situations. Im so frustrated. I want him out of my life, but he has no $$. Its 9 months later. So recently I try to do some exercise and keep reading make myself more peaceful and happy. even when those male partners do not work at all, Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. He had gotten into meth and had family drama. If your still looking to swap ,, heres mine. In between jobs, Im working 3 jobs, 7 days a week in order to pay all the bills and stay afloat. wish him to die off hate to say. If i bring it up i am the selfish one etc bla bla bla. The reality is, in life, you will be both victim and villain. Dem Mayor Highlights the Importance of God: 'When We Took Prayers Out of Secretary of the Army Guarantees a Lot of Young Soldiers Will Die but Has the Right Thoughts and Feelings, Russell Brand was challenged to give examples of MSNBC pushing misinformation (that was a BAD idea), Biden's FAA Nominee Can't Answer a Single Question About Aviation, 'Stick That Up Their Fact-Checker': Sen. John Kennedy Shares More Trademark Truths, Kamala Harris's Husband Has a Message For All the Super-Progressive, Woke, Liberal Men Out There, The Part of CNN's Interview With Bill Maher That Trump Supporters Probably Won't Like, Business Tycoon Criticizes Democrat-Run States: 'They Are Punishing People Who Are Successful'. So betrayed. Im afraid in a way to talk on here.im no good with computers and such but God brought me here I guess. I am very sad and dont know what to do with him. I dont mind working hard, but I just cannot accept him living off on me while he thinks its absolutely ok and still wait for his dream job. My boyfriend who I have lived with for 4 years decided after he was fired from his last job that he was just going to give up. My whole problem is; he doesnt seem to think my feelings are warranted! Include all the household tasks, including cleaning, cooking, ironing, yard work, repairs, grocery shopping, paying bills, etc. Honestly, the thing about I realized about people is that most of them dont change, no matter what you do, unless they want to change. Get them to get out and find a job. Honestly, if hed just get and keep a job, theres be no issues. Some what help.. And b****** at me when i complaint about it.. Otherwise, youre making excuses. Simply being willing to hear, and understand, your partner is a powerful, and effective, first step in reestablishing connection and solving this problem.. I feel and think that I have been very patient. their husband becomes - Traduo em portugus - exemplos ingls Any advice is apprciated. I doubt itll be the same thing, I swear. Im tired of hearing his excuses on why there are no jobs out there and I hate this city, I feel exhausted and to the point where Im tired of being the only one bringing income in. I dont care how much of a hard time she gives him. No. It is just like a dead knot. She later also sent me every msg he had sent her n gave me great detail of the things he did n would say to her. We are just getting stuck in a terrible cycle. Im 20 and so stressed about money Im genuinely going mental. He did buy me very decent Christmas gifts with his money. We are barely breaking even. He has friends he has other girl friends let him go home to mom or? He lives with anxiety and depression and is unable to work, despite several attempts over the years. Lived there 10 years all on my wages he did nothing except spend, spend, spend. Sick of his business. Its F*cking ridiculous. The world has never seen strength like yours. ' My client felt both downtrodden and irate, at the same time. I wish you well. Hes 34 and has a postdoc degree, so I figured hed do well as there are lots of jobs available for his education level in the city were in. ", Other women commented on the increased pressure they felt to make sure they kept their own jobs, even if it meant tolerating horrible bosses. So thank you for that and I hope we all see some light at the end of the tunnel. @#$% YEARS! Its just too much for one person to handle. Most often, we see a lot of support for the unemployed person who is building his or her resume, interviewing, networking, staying busy, and being positive. I assure you that while it is rough, yes, it is still possible. I know this s*** from your partner is embarrassing, insulting and his s*** makes you feel like you did something wrong and you did not! The majority of women have turned into heartless, money grubbing, self entitled! However, the chances are that another activity will result in the long run if you both stay engaged and conscious in your journey. I do not have a degree and worked in office administration, plus I was in my 50s at that point so my prospects were grim. Or I work a ton of overtime & exhausted.he talks about how big my paycheck will be.and doesnt seem to understand my stress. I moved out into my sisters and then into a room share on my own. 8 years together and now I got the office job I always wanted, and he (even with a Masters in mechanical engineering).cannot get anything besides a bar job from 4pm-1amhe is either under qualified, or over qualified for real jobs. We have been together since 23 and now we are 31just when life is getting serious. Help your significant other comprehend that, 5. And, one more btw I have a job that requires a lot. Unemployed men: how female partners suffer - The Sydney Morning Herald Read on! My boyfriend moved in with me back in 2010; has held a bunch of jobs for not much more than 90 days. What Ill say to every woman on this forum is: Unemployment is a downright monster. Hes been in and out of jobs since weve been together and his longest was 3 months part time. Everything is stressful for him even the house work, even me. He went back to work and within the same week he just decided he didnt want to do that job anymore and he walked out. And here I continue to stay . Reminds me of my ex who I just broke up with. If your partner is out pounding the pavement actively seeking work that they are qualified-more than qualified to do and not finding it the problem may not entirely be on them. And i feel like i have 2 kids! Im setting a very stern stipulation: give part of your income toward the household, and if youre not working? He cooks & does laundry (sometimes). i probably would love to have an affair just to get away from this crap for just a few minutes. I know the depression and anxiety that can come from not having a job and the guikt others place on you. Im tired of taking care of my bf! They dont want to fit in the position job market needed for the time being, but they just want to work in the position they like. I think I am cycling through all of this just as he is and I am not sure how much longer I can be the supportive wife that I know I really have to be to get all of us through this. Go away and blast meI dont care. It was rare for him to have a job at any point throughout his working life where he lasted like say 5-10 years before being fired/having the business close. Knowing that my husband naps in the afternoon and does nothing but laze around the house really turns me off him. Im haunted already. I wanted to have a another child but how? Discuss a plan to make sure that both of your top priorities are being tended to. It broke my heart but he went ahead with his plans. I then found I was the sole income into the family and thought ok this wont be for long. So she met this man, a former classmate at the university, and less than 6 months later they were married. Today I booked another work trip which has been extended for a mini holiday with my colleagues to an expensive beach resort to celebrate a work success. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. I havent though because I know if I do then where will we live? My work can be quite stressful and I feel there is no reward which makes me unhappy. I find myself at the same juncture right now albeit Ive been living with my partners unemployment (and all its subsequent spillovers) for only a year I cat imagine living with it for 4. Just like Chris said, its so frustrating getting up early for work while every day he just sleeps in till noon and then how Maggie says, allways complians about how tired he is when he did absolutely nothing all day other than sleep. Thinking all he needs is an open door, only for it to swing open, but he walks away making up some damm excuse why he cant take the job and of course you only find this out until after youre married. When a person works a full-time job and their partner does not - Quora

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