My employee is acting like he's the boss -- but I'm the boss I was recently promoted to supervisor of my department over another person who very much wanted the position. You must not tolerate any bad behaviors that undermine yourauthority and make other employees feel that if some can get away with it, they too will. It is not trade-offs where other staff members who are less capable must behave well, but the outstanding individuals do not have to. Its a (not so) subtle guilt trip and passive-aggressive why arent you inviting me to these meetings? hint. Its best not to assume employees who overstep are intentionally trying to undermine anyones authority. Feel free to tell me off though, since this was a pretty Jane-y way to respond to Allison. Hopefully this will be a learning situation, at least for the two managers. Sometimes employees try to placate the power monger so they can ride on the coattails of their success. I dont know if those opportunities exist for Jane, and Im not saying you should reward her bad behavior. There are two main reasons that they want to undermine your authority; they are insecure or they simply dont like you and want to make sure that you know it. If you get pushback from her, one thing that helps me manage this for myself is, Do I have specific relevant information/expertise that may change how others see this? Or co-workers. If the function of my job was narrowing for any reason other than the remaining duties had increased enough to be a full work load, I would be wondering if Im going to be laid off. I dont care if they think Im wrong. Ensure that all Board members and staff have a copy. how do I get out of an active-shooter drill at my office? This starts by improving communications, seeking and giving feedback often and taking the time to get to know each individual. You will find an employer who actually values you. This question hits close to home. I have no such authority over my colleague, but have often wanted to tell her STOP because I like her as a person and can see how shes damaging her reputation. That can be true for sure! Has the need to change culture and leadership styles been clearly presented? Good managers take seriously any form of bullying within the team. The following are the major differences between supervisor and manager. I agree with TroutWaver, but I can see why a lot of people might not feel that way if they are used to large corporate environments. Its their way of pointing out that they used to be more in the know and now they arent. And then the discussion you have later can be, these decisions were made by the X department about their work and I dont have time to give you the full background on those choices, but I support their decisions., I would not leave it so open-ended. Inappropriate and Undermining Behaviour in the Workplace When managers accept that individual members are more critical to the team than the others, they give them the freedom to do whatever they like. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. 1. Boundaries are good things for leaders to put into place. You must have the qualifications to be able to filter . This is why I am not a fan of the expression stay in your lane to me it sounds like its just this side of sit down and shut up. Sometimes streamlining longer explanations into catchy little phrases just does not translate well at all. Let them know how they are expected to operate as a team member and that their behavior is counter productive. The best way to do that, in my experience, is to actively listen and be supportive. Secondly, what do they want you to tell the customers? Im not heard on a lot of things because its not in my role! A lot of times that helped the urge to pass and at the end of the meeting, I realized many of them were addressed or just not that urgent after all. And you do not ask them to acknowledge the seriousness of the allegations, but expect to see some shock on their faces or nodding the heads. thanks for helping us build all these other great things that you no longer have input into because thanks to your hard work weve been able to hire people to do that so now can you stay in your lane?. If I see a path to move forward on the idea, then we will discuss that also. Hope this works out and hope my ramblings helps. Some situations are such that the ONLY thing we can do is save ourselves by extracting ourselves from the situation. Since Im feeling silly, Ill point out that theres good money in wing nuts these days. Its irresponsible if a manager cannot make a tough decision. Say things like We had a lot of discussions about this, including examining many of the issues youre raising, and this is how we decided to proceed., Yes, we thought about that already, and this is how we decided to proceed.. Moving on , There have been a couple times where I have said, We dont have to agree or even like X and that is fine. The biggest undermine is if they purposefully deviate from a known process or go against your instructions. A. Management may see your attention-hungry coworker as the ultimate go-getter, the leader of the pack, and a can-do kinda person., In reality, this employee is an office tyrant in the making. When boundaries keep getting broken or expectations keep going unmet, you likely need to offer more clarity or more effective "revisiting." I agree about the sense of loss, I think there may be also a little left over, If I dont do it who will? If I dont ask this question, if I dont bring this discrepancy up, if I dont check on the thingNo one will. This woman, come to find out, has a 10 year long history of doing exactly this to every single backup shes had in that company. It does not matter whether it is hearsay or assumptions, the manager must talk to individuals concerns. "Even the best intentions in trying to protect an employee or a visitor from an emergency or threat situation can later be misconstrued into an unwanted touching or unwanted confinement, which can lead later to either criminal or civil litigation against the security officer or guard." I am her bosses boss, and rest assured her boss is also having those convos with her and getting the same answers. While I think this is great advice, I dont necessarily love the If you decide the job has evolved in a way where its no longer for you language, because in this case, coming after what is essentially a reprimand, it almost sounds like a passive aggressive threat. Q. This is great advice from Alison! The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". I have PTSD from an unrelated trauma, so this was one horrific week. In this particular instance, the employee is overreaching. See also: I know the issue youre referring to, but because were bypassing the llama effect with whistles, quicksand actually isnt a factor.. The U.S. Chamber of Commerce believes the FTC is overstepping its authority under Lina Khan, reports say. While this may take a little extra time, it will save you the time of having to deal with his suggestions and with the distress that is associated with them. This. Its also been my experience that people who claim they arent being heard are the ones that arent being obeyed. I have asked her straight-up I know you enjoyed working with Joe what made that successful and how can I bring some of that to our relationship? Im something of a Jane, at least internally. Jane needs to realize that being allowed to express an opinion at all in the workplace is a privilege. If your role is clearly defined and theres still overstepping on your authority, you can push back and have a conversation. Maybe OP needs to have a private meeting to discuss these issues but hopefully with somewhat gentler language. As a result, employees dont feel comfortable or safe and seek out someone else as a way to avoid their own leader. Have you thought about doing it this way for this reason? But it sounds like she just feels as if shes the the authority on everything, and always knows best. Instead of answering her questions about things that arent in her role and trying to explain things she doesnt need to understand, Id say something in the moment like, I appreciate your interest, but this has been decided by those of us on the blank committee or We are going to leave that up to the experts in the marketing department. If she continues Id say Lets discuss this outside of this meeting where you can reiterate that its not her job. Community Association Law, HOA Law. I had a supervisor who encouraged that everyones voice needed to be heard even when those voices had no experience in the areas they were talking about. The challenge with Janes is that they typically dont have the ability to self-monitor or read the room well enough to understand when their input is or isnt welcome. What do you do with employees who think they are the boss? If someone goes from being in the thick of things to being on the sidelines and being told thats where they belong now, its a tough adjustment and can leave the employee feeling devalued. That is, the real issue isnt that she has Opinions on things that arent her business. Provide an Email in the box below and start receiving notifications for the latest posts. I was not her only target; everyone else who had run-ins with her did the same thing. Thats the upside to having lanes; it means if something goes wrong in someone elses, that issue is also not your responsibility. If its a serious issue we have not already considered, I can follow up with you, as needed.. Of course this rankles. she doesnt think sufficient progress has been made on a campaign Oh, hell no. Allisons script is great for acknowledging things might have changed recently, but I do think its worth reflecting on if your company actually has clear lanes. Jane may be under the impression that they are looking for feedback. Your email address will not be published. Since she sounds like an employee you value, it might be worth exploring what skills she would need to pick up or what you would need to see from her to see growth if she is inclined in that direction. Trust your team to make good decisions based on their expertise. Asking for a coworker. Dont miss that! I remember decades ago, it became in vogue to say, failure to communicate. Mind your own business. Most employees view their manager as too inexperienced, ineffective and incompetent. What makes it more complicated is that Im also the AR guy, so I have a small stake in getting us paid. Something as simple as saying, I thought this was a decision delegated to me. Well, if you have the background to understand that these are actually obvious mistakes not something that is actually correct, but LOOKS obviously wrong, you shouldnt be brushed off that way. Founder,Incito Executive and Leadership Development. She was reprimanded several times by senior management yet nothing was done. Too confrontational and disciplinary for a public meeting. Thinking of Joining the Military as a Psychologist? E.g., I may be totally off on this since Im not the expert but I noticed this said Y when normally Ive seen us use X, just wanted to flag!. Another Hermione here, and Im working on the same thing! The supervisor is someone who oversees the employees and regulates them to work assigned to them. That makes me nervous and interjectier and Janier than Id like to be. You are a valued employee, in your area.. When employees understand the why, it helps them put into perspective why that particular result isnt the most successful. If they deny it is not valid, you can say, well, I cannot prove this right now, so I will continue to investigate. Yep. When reaching out to your senior leader, note whether youre asking for permission or looking for feedback. Its a case of the Emperor has no clothes. Here are some ways to re-establish control: 1. Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. Your boss should never have to sugar coat your responsibilities its part of being a grownup in the workforce. Jane pays a lot of lip service to her supposed belief in her colleagues abilities, which makes me wonder about her intentions, but the problem is that she doesnt understand that 1. perception is everything and 2. other people are not perceiving her walk as lining up with her talk. Being officious isnt a learning outcome of any doctoral program anywhere, sorry., But who am I to talk, I didnt do my graduate work at an R1 ;p. I think its good to remember that this tendency to raise objections goes with certain personality traits so is somewhat fixed, BUT ALSO that the skill of realizing when its appropriate (not all the time), and the behaviors necessary to raise issues (eg, privately in an email after a meeting), can and should absolutely be learned. How, then, do you establish this authority to avoid having your leadership overstepped? Thats not really stay in your lane behaviour, thats a lack of manners. I want to calm them down so theyll leave me in peace. Can I just add/ask/say Not only is it a good idea to be self-aware as to the necessity of your input, its also good to know when to *stop* giving that feedback and advice (even if you have some expertise in it). How you frame your presentation may invite overstepping by your leader. No. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". So yeah, the advice is beautiful (as always! Time. If they criticize it now, when it gets implemented and they struggle to learn it, they can walk around complaining about it not being user friendly. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience. Perhaps, they make it harder for others to show their talent. Q. I am concerned about a restructuring that is going on, and it looks like Im going to be reporting to someone who doesnt know much about what I do. Thats cold, but Im just irked over what happens when SMEs and more junior staff arent held to reasonable soft skills standards, regardless of their desire to move into leadership positions. And other reasons. If its more serious than this, our third scenario will guide you on how to address this issue with them more directly. Or she doesnt have enough to do and needs more work. Are they not listening or considering others viewpoints, convinced they are always the best with no need to consider others? A lot of things work but still generate complaints. Create the idea tracker and the next time she tries to disrupt the meeting redirect here there. 1) You need to be sure youre not giving mixed messages if your company loves to say it values collaboration or encourages teamwork. Despite all their blustering, however, you can mitigate all the disruption. Heck, its not our responsibility to prevent every train wreck. He was very excited to start at the ground floor, and eventually get the opportunity to be a manager. The problem that happened was that no one ever mentioned their suggestion being used. Overstepping boundaries might include reading confidential paperwork, asking employees overly personal questions or usurping the supervisor's authority. I want to be clear with you about where your role does and doesnt have substantive input. Todays systems are massive and an engineer could work full-time for months on one system of a specific engine. And there are plenty of times where employees do not speak up but they all know that the light at the end of the tunnel IS an on-coming train, as opposed to daylight. Good fences dont always make good neighbors. He said there is a long history of presidents using "creative . But, Jane does NOT have the knowledge and experience to have an opinion that needs to be taken seriously. Golopolus hasn't said anything about the new guidelines and you don't want to overstep your authority. LOL awesome! I love working on things from start to finish, but I have a tendency to challenge certain things if I didnt get the full context. Start by seeking actionable clarity on the specific behavioral issue you want to improve. If you get sucked in, you end up feeling like a doormat. And thats okay! Oh yes! You should "demand high performance from them and call them out when they fail to meet those expectations.". OP, it may be worth looking at including a RACI diagram for bigger projects to make boundaries clear. So. Stop doing this. Next move will be up to Jane, two things will happen: This is especially true for managers who are consumed by their day-to-day and remain hands-off from their team. But she doesnt have experience in any of the areas where she questions decisions and wants input. If Im worried about coaching up an intern, or my coworker is applying for a grant to take a project to a new level, were less concerned about what Bob in branding is doing. Employees often want to be seen as the expert in their role. Head-scratchingly, she has consistently and clearly said that she does not want to switch lanes/expand her lane beyond her current one. And be prepared for the why questions from her, which is a variation of why wasnt I consulted?, Yeah. Your managers behaviors are showing signs of dependency and indicate that he is seeking increased control, input, and decision-making over what youre doing. Great advice from Alison. I think this too. When OP sits down to talk to the employee, OP could say, that going forward she will have to steer the meeting back on track when the employee tries a derail. A lot of the people are being hard on Jane. I have had some sweet I told you so moments when down the line (sometimes 6 months or a year) the very thing I asked about and was told wasnt my lane is now a crisis and how did we miss this. Nonetheless, this behaviour is a waste of your time and you should put a stop to it.

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